A Matter of Pride Read online

  Given the shit sandwich our lives had become recently, that was a good skill to have.

  But I still worried about him. He might be more mature, but he was still our youngest. And sometimes I wondered if he didn't carry the heaviest burden. I knocked on the open door and strolled in. "You okay?" I asked as I sat on the edge of his bed. Everyone in the pride had their own room, but Hisashi used his more than the others.

  He set down the candle he'd been holding and raised a white brow at me. Gods he was beautiful, the perfect combination of lean, masculine hotness and ethereal, otherworldly pretty. He pushed a hand through his white hair, pushing the longer strands over to one side so the blue tattoo on the shaved side of his head was visible. The marking was a ward of some sort, I was sure. It pulsed with a shimmer of magic as I watched.

  "Fine," he said softly. "Why?"

  I heaved a sigh and flopped back to lie down on his bed. "Because Oisin doesn't remember you have two cocks."

  He snorted. "At least that's not the only thing he remembers about me."

  I snickered. "Yeah, that would suck." I ran a hand through my hair and stared at the high ceiling. Oisin had done a beautiful job renovating this place before he moved us all in like the master schemer he was. "He told me he held onto the love. He said it was the one thing his fucking father couldn’t take from him." I turned my head to watch Hisashi pace closer. His blue eyes were sorrowful. "He said he loves us all, Hisashi. He even asked for you, the first time he woke up."

  I waved a hand in the air. "All the other stuff doesn't matter. If he remembers the emotions, remembers how much we mean to each other, then we'll be okay. Even if he doesn't remember why we're together."

  I didn't realize I was crying until Hisashi leaned over me and swiped a tear off my cheek with his thumb. He slid his hand down to cup my jaw as he pressed his lips to mine, soft and tender.

  I let out a little half-sob and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me so hard he lost his balance and fell on me, making us both grunt as the breath whooshed out of us. I laughed, even as I felt more tears leaking out of my damned eyes. Hisashi kissed them away and the cool, misty touch of his magic against my skin made me shiver.

  He gave me a serious look. "You remember how many cocks I have, don't you?"

  I laughed harder at that, letting out all the pent-up emotion from the last few days. "I don't know…nine?"

  He snorted and bent his head to nuzzle at my neck, right where he'd bitten me the last time we fucked. Before we went to get our fae back. I let out a groan when he licked the spot, following up with a few sharp nips along my shoulder and neck before he got to my ear. "Sadly, no," he whispered. "But I've got one for each hand."

  I rolled my eyes. "Lame."

  He chuckled against my skin and ran his hands up my sides, skimming along my waist and pushing up my shirt, his big, warm hands a flaring contrast to his magic. "I know, so lame. Make me feel better?"

  I nearly purred when his hands reached my tits, cupping and kneading, pausing to tease the nipples. I arched my back and shoved, reversing our positions so I sat astride him. "If I have to," I teased, trying to sound bored while he rolled his hips under me so I could feel his massive bulge.

  We made quick work of clothes. Then I slipped back and got a grip on him, working a big cock in each hand. I wanted to ride him, but…Gods. "Uh," I said intelligently. "You said I could…um with one?"

  He gave me a very vulpine smile, all sharp teeth and mischief. "What was that, gryphon? I'm not sure I understand what you mean?"

  I glared at him. Fucker knew exactly what I meant.

  "How," I said slowly through clenched teeth, "do I ride one cock at a time."

  He grinned. "Condoms are in the drawer there, babe."

  I growled. Not what I meant. But I obligingly suited him up, taking time to stroke him long and hard. Then I looked at him again, arching a brow. "That last time was fun and all, but I really need to work up to this whole two cocks thing," I said with a growl still in my voice. If he didn't get on with the fucking, I was going to lose my shit.

  He relented and grabbed a cock. "Hop on."

  When I eyed him skeptically, he rolled his eyes. "They're dicks, babe, not eggshells. That one will get a little squished, but the friction feels good."

  I sighed. Why did everything in my life have to be so fucking weird?

  Sliding forward, I took one of his glorious cocks slow and deep. The other one was trapped between us, and it slid over my folds in a way that was both weird and wonderful all at once. I leaned forward and kissed him, and despite all our teasing his touch was tender and loving. He ran his hands over my body in a worshipful move and I sighed against him, leaning into the roll of his hips. Normally, I didn't do sweet. But we both needed this. Needed comfort.

  What we needed was a small, snarky redhead in the middle of all of this. But what can you do?

  We were slow and gentle, but I could feel it building to something more between us. I leaned forward and bit Hisashi on the juncture of neck and shoulder, hard. Canid thing.

  He surged up and flipped us over, pulling out and slowly easing back in, this time with both his dicks. I moaned and dragged my nails down his back, urging him on even though it was just this side of too much. When he was fully seated, he took a minute to just breathe, dropping feather-light kisses along my neck. "Okay?" he whispered.

  I nodded. "So okay."

  He moved slowly, but it didn't take much to make me orgasm, stuffed overfull of fox and my own damned emotions. He fucked me through it, holding himself back, and I dropped my head, utterly spent.

  Gods he was so perfect.

  Shoving him off, I hauled him to the edge of the bed and dropped to my knees on the soft rug. Hisashi was stretched out before me like some sort of pagan offering. I grinned as I took in every inch of lean, muscular white skin. Then I stripped off the condoms and went to work sucking two cocks.

  It was quite the…handful. Ha.

  Hisashi watched me, his head on one folded arm, blue eyes rimmed in silver. "Gods," he gasped as I twisted one wrist while deep throating on the other side.

  I growled my approval as he lost his calm and tangled his hands in my hair.

  It wasn't long until we were both wrung out and satiated, lying tangled together on Hisashi's seldom-used bed.

  "You were going to meditate," I reminded him.

  He laughed and dragged a hand up and down my back where I lay tucked against his side. "This is a much better way to clear the mind."

  I grinned. "Any time you need to work on that, fox…."

  I think I drifted to sleep for a while, lulled by the warm strokes of Hisashi's hand on my side and hip. Clearly he wasn't sleeping though, because his deep voice brought me out of my stupor.

  "I'm scared," he whispered.

  I ran my hand up from his flat stomach to his chest, brushing across his light smattering of soft white hair. "Of what?"

  He ran a hand through my hair, teasing out the tangles in the blond mess. "My powers are getting stronger," he said softly. "I feel it. It got a lot worse during the…rescue. But it hasn't stopped now that we're home. The energy inside, all around me, it just keeps growing. It feels like it will swallow me up. Or like…maybe one day I'll just explode. Like Cardoc."

  I reached up and cupped his jaw, tilting his head so he had to look at me. "What can I do?"

  He covered my hand with his own, then drew it up, so my fingers rested on the ward on the side of his head. "Do you know what this is?"

  I traced the outline with a finger, feeling the power in it pulsing against my touch. "A ward?"

  He nodded, trapping my fingers again and resting our clasped hands on his chest, over his heart. "It is. For protection. But, it's more than that. It's kanji. Japanese characters that represent my clan name. It's a brand. Lets everyone know who I belong to."

  I growled. He didn't belong to anyone. And if he did, it was me, damn it.

  "I had it altered,
" he said, squeezing my hand in acknowledgment of my anger. "When I ran away. I scraped together enough cash—in ways I am not proud of—to hire a mage in a seedy shop to alter the kanji. I added my name to it." He gave me a wry smile. "So, it essentially says I belong to myself. I thought I was making a big statement, you know? That they didn't own me anymore."

  "Fuck Hisashi," I breathed. "You were a ballsy fifteen-year-old."

  He grinned. "I was. I had to be if I wanted my life to be my own." His grin faded and he let out a sigh. "But…now I don’t know if I did the right thing."

  I glared up at him. "What?"

  He shook his head at me, still clasping my hand to his heart. "I lost control of my magic, back there in the fae lands. I almost unleashed that hell—all those hungry ghosts—on you and the pride. Then I jerked you all into the otherworld and got you trapped. I almost killed us all. Twice."

  "Oisin didn't even want me involved," he continued. "I know he was trying to protect me, has been for a while now." He gave me a look that said I wasn't as good at keeping secrets as I thought I was. "The only thing keeping me together before all of that was Oisin and his magic. Now he doesn't even remember that. Or why he would care enough to do it again, even if he could. Which he can't, because he's weakened and my magic's only getting stronger."

  I squeezed his fingers so tight he grimaced. "Listen, fox," I warned. "You are not going anywhere, you hear me?" I knew what he was saying. He needed to bind himself to a shrine so he would be more stable. But that meant letting his clan use him like a fucking battery. And it meant tying him down to one spot for the rest of his nearly immortal life.

  I had a sudden, clear memory of Oisin telling me not to send Hisashi back to his family. There had to be another way.

  "You belong here with us," I told him, my voice all growly. "We'll figure it out."

  He sighed. "But how?"

  I closed my eyes. I could not believe I was about to say this. "White. He offered to give me Halstad's mage contract if we did a job for him."

  I opened my eyes to find Hisashi staring down at me with the weirdest look on his face. It was like…half horror, half resignation.

  "Halstad could help you, couldn't he? With his wacko mage magic?"

  The fox pressed his lips together. "Maybe. For a while. If I don't keep getting fucking stronger all the time and…outstrip his abilities."

  I nodded. "So. White's job. Can't be that bad, right? More supernatural creature tracking? Maybe someone jerry-rigged something at his casino."

  Hisashi looked down his long nose at me. "Are we really going to not talk about you and—"

  I cut him off. "No."

  He laughed. "Gods, you are so…Gesa."

  His eyes flicked toward the ceiling, then darted back down, and he froze. I turned my head, following his gaze to the door, which of course we hadn't pushed all the way closed. We also weren't covered up. And Hisashi's double poles were flopped out on his thigh on full display.

  Oisin stood there, one hand lifted as if he was about to knock. He dropped his hand. "Ah." He looked flustered for all of a second before the cold, flat mask dropped over his elvish features. "So that's what all the fuss was about?" He lifted one slender shoulder in a shrug, as if to say he was unimpressed.

  I blinked, then sat up, hiding Hisashi from that damned cold gaze. "Oisin? What's up? Did you come to join?"

  My humor fell flat as the fae refused to take the bait. "I came to find you, so I could tell you there's a demon here to see you."

  "Motherfucker," I hissed.

  That got me one raised eyebrow. "He says he has work for you. For us. I assume he means with clothes on."

  I stood and scooped up my clothes while Hisashi pulled on his pants. I wasn't sure if Oisin was making a joke or asking me an honest to Gods question. Did he forget White wasn't one of us? I shuddered at the thought.

  "The demon isn't part of the pride," Hisashi said as he pulled on a t-shirt.

  Oisin stared at him for a long time. I wasn't sure what the fuck was going through his stupid fae head, but he looked even more distant. "I gathered."

  The fox let out a long-suffering sigh. I agreed with him wholeheartedly. And, on top of that, I had to deal with Derek fucking White.

  But it saved me from Hisashi's questions about a certain annoying-ass mage. Small miracles.

  Chapter 3

  I yanked on a pair of yoga pants and the rattiest t-shirt I owned and hurried to follow Oisin down the hall. The fae was immaculately dressed in slim-fit trousers and a light blue cashmere sweater that I knew would be the softest thing I'd ever felt, if I was brave enough to pull him into my arms.

  I watched his ramrod straight back as he walked down the hallway. It looked strange to me, him not having hair down to his waist. He looked even more uptight this way, with less of his usual deceptive softness. He was wearing a glamour that hid not only his ears, but the patchy chop-job they'd done on his head when they shaved him. It also hid the new white patch that had grown among the fiery red, above his left temple.

  His hair was getting a bit longer every day, and I realized that must be why most fae wore their hair ridiculously long—otherwise they'd have to cut it every day or two. Oisin's current glamour made it look like his hair was a few inches long, curling around his ears. In reality, it had grown that much in places. But it was all weird random lengths.

  I lengthened my strides, quickly overtaking the shorter man. "Hey, are you okay?"

  Sharp green eyes met mine, but he kept walking. "Why does everyone insist on asking that? Clearly I'm not bleeding out or missing a limb."

  I heaved a sigh. "That's not what I meant, and you know it. We're all worried about you, asshole."

  His lips twitched, but he didn't smile. "I've told you all, I'm fine. Or I will be. My magic is slowly rebuilding itself—the bastard left me enough to do that at least."

  He stopped, and I turned to find him glaring in that haughty way only fae can. The look softened a bit as he glanced at the potted pine tree growing in the hall, rather than meet my eyes. "I…sometimes I get some memories back with the magic—bits and pieces, all jumbled up."

  Finally, he lifted his eyes to meet mine, a frown marring the perfect, smooth skin of his forehead with creases. "You all seem to imply that I was…intimate with the fox. And I do feel a great sense of affection for him. But…I don't remember fucking him. What I remember, what has come to me the last couple of days, is that I clearly did not want him here. And I think…." He heaved a sigh and straightened his sweater sleeve, which was perfectly fine to begin with.

  He lifted his hand and make a strange, aborted gesture and I thought he might be losing what was left of his tiny fae mind. "I remember that I vowed to myself I would not become involved with that boy," he said softly. "Beautiful though he is, he is just a child. And a vulnerable one, at that. If I recall correctly, he has no control over that overwhelming power of his."

  I stared at him. Fuck my life. "Oisin. We've had this argument before. Repeatedly. You changed your mind. You told me it was more than him being young, it was because you wanted to protect him from your father. That's why you held him at arm's length." I reached out and flicked him gently on the forehead. "News flash genius. That child is the only reason we all made it out of the fae lands. He made your dickwad dad explode for fuck's sake."

  Oisin's eyes widened. "I…." Then he lifted his chin a notch and went all offended noble. "No one has taken the time to properly explain to me exactly what happened. I know my father took me and tried to drain me. I certainly remember pain and despair. But then I woke up here, surrounded by people I love, but who are complete strangers to me."

  I clenched my teeth. Fuck me. I thought he remembered the situation, just not the details about the pride. I was a moron. Of course he didn't know the exact details about his rescue. Even if his memory was completely intact, he'd been unconscious nearly the entire damned time.

  "Oisin, fuck I'm sorry. I thought…well I'm a moron. As
you liked to remind me before. All brawn, no brains."

  He lowered his chin a notch and reached up to ruffle my hair. "Well, one can hardly blame you for your hair color and species."

  I slapped his hand away, then froze when he seemed to think I was serious. "Oisin—"

  He rubbed his wrist, where I'd smacked him. "I apologize," he said stiffly. "I did that without thinking. I don't know what possessed me."

  I wanted to bang my head against the wall. "I'm not mad that you touched me, jackass. It's…well, we…."

  Hisashi walked up behind us, dressed and not looking like he'd just been thoroughly fucked. Pussy. I intended to offend Derek fucking White every way I could. Hopefully my hair was as much of a mess as I thought it was.

  "You guys back at it?" Hisashi muttered as he met us. He was going for exasperated, but he wasn't hiding the fact that seeing me argue with Oisin was making him happy. Because that was our normal state. Too bad Oisin seemed to have forgotten that little fact.

  Oisin dropped the hand he'd been rubbing and shrugged as if unfazed. "I simply overstepped my bounds. One doesn't pet a shifter. Any idiot knows that."

  I rolled my eyes and lunged, wrapping an arm around his slender neck and putting him in a choke hold while I messed up his hair under that glamour, making it stick up in uneven spikes. Oisin struggled and I let him get free, smirking as he glared daggers at me and straightened his hair and clothes.

  Hisashi laughed. "Oh, Gods. It's going to start all over again, isn't it?" he teased. When Oisin just gave him a blank look, the fox slapped him on the back. "You and Gesa. If you weren't constantly sniping at each other, you were letting everyone within a few blocks know you were fucking her brains out. You two arguing is just foreplay."

  Oisin thought about that, as if he was scanning his memory banks. His pert nose wrinkled up in a way that made me want to kiss him. He was too fucking adorable. "Is your entire pride mentally impaired?" he said, making me want to slap him.

  I heaved a sigh and started walking again. "Yes. Yes, they are. And you're one of them, fae."