Pride and Perdition Read online

  Pride and Perdition

  Gesa’s Menagerie Book 6

  Kaye Draper

  Copyright 2019

  Dedication

  Thank you to my readers for your support along this journey. I am awed that my messed up, brash, outside-the-box characters have found so much love.

  Chapter 1

  Oisin blinked his eyes, trying to clear them of the sticky residue of blood and half-dried tears. He managed to slowly, painfully, turn his head. The mere inches of motion took every ounce of energy he possessed.

  A thin beam of light crept in between the pillars of dark stone. He couldn't remember how long he'd been here. He didn't know if the weak light was from the sun or moon. His head throbbed in time with the slow beat of his heart. Was he in the fae realm now, or still in the human world at the place where the realms intersected? He had no idea.

  His equilibrium was shot. His senses couldn't read the energies of the earth around him the way they once could. All he could feel was a dull pain, the constant trickle of his life force as it drained away into the stone altar beneath him. All while he lay there, unable to move, or even to cry for help. Not that help would come.

  There couldn't be much of him left, he thought, if the fogginess that was starting to replace the excruciating pain was any indication. Even the runes burned into his flesh were nothing more than a dull throb. But his sire would draw this out as long as possible.

  Oisin closed his eyes and searched for the memories. He had stored them so carefully, hoarded them for just this moment, put up his strongest mental barriers around them. He closed his eyes and recalled the fierce strength of his gryphon, the sweet tenderness of the human, the fresh promise of his fox, the ancient calm of the kraken—the taste and feel of them all. His family. He struggled to remember details. Their names. But he still remembered their warmth, even as his naked body shuddered in the cold, shutting down as the last of his lifeforce drained away.

  Everything was leeching from him. His power, his soul, his warmth. Even the memories he'd so carefully clung to. For the first time in his life, Oisin looked forward to the blackness. All the fighting, all the yearning for a life that he could never have. It would all be over soon.

  Chapter 2

  I spun and dipped, smacking the top of my foot into the top of the six-foot weighted bag I had installed in the new gym space this morning.

  Derek fucking White had presented me with papers yesterday. Signed fucking papers dating a week before Oisin's fucking sire dragged him off to the fae lands. The building that housed the bookstore and our apartment was officially mine until Oisin returned.

  And if he returned in a body bag? Still mine.

  I grunted and punched the bag in rapid succession. A will. I didn't know which pissed me off more, the idea that Oisin had been so sure he was going to lose against his father that he'd gone off behind my mother fucking back and made a will, or the thought that White had manufactured all the paperwork in advance. Because he was a fucking demon of some sort and who knew what the hell he was capable of.

  I paused to catch my breath and a deep, smoky chuckle drifted up to me from the second floor. I punched the bag again, pretending it was White's face.

  I didn't want his Godsdamned help.

  But I needed it. So I had to tolerate the fucker showing up in my territory whenever he felt like it. Which, lately he felt like it way more than he should.

  Under all my pissiness and rage, fueling it like a damned gas leak, was the constant thought of Oisin. Oisin dead. Oisin being sucked dry by his father. Oisin cursing my name because I had so thoroughly failed him.

  It was my job to protect my pride, damn it. I was strong. Capable. No one fucked with me.

  Except when they did. And I lost.

  I let my mind go blank, letting my animal side take over. Punch, kick, spin, lunge. Over and over, driving myself to that numb flow state where everything else falls away.

  "You just got that thing set up this morning and you're already trying to kill it?" Kaimana's husky voice pulled me from my fury. I put my hands on my knees, wheezing, sweat pouring off my face and body, bloody knuckles healing as I caught my breath.

  "Food's ready, gryphon," the kraken said blandly. "Maybe stop raging for a minute and stuff your face."

  I straightened and met her dark blue eyes. She saw too much. But she pretended to be oblivious. "Or…you could spar with me?" I cajoled.

  She snorted and crossed her arms under her enormous breasts. "No."

  I scowled. She might look all soft and sweet, but she was stronger than any supe I'd ever met. "Chicken."

  She raised a dark eyebrow at me. "I understand wanting to train. And wanting to work out some of that anger inside you. But really, Gesa, you need to rest sometime. Otherwise you'll be no good to Oisin. Or to anyone else."

  I huffed. She wasn't wrong. Just annoying as fuck. "Spar with me, then I'll go eat."

  She put her hands on the swell of her hips and a sly smile lifted one corner of her mouth. "If I spar with you, you come soak in the tub with me later. Relax. Chill the fuck out."

  I rolled my eyes. "We have fae to murder, and you wanna play spa?"

  She just raised that eyebrow again. "Fae will still be there waiting for you to murder them after you take a break. We have a week before we leave anyway."

  I growled. Like I needed the reminder.

  A whole fucking week of me going stir crazy with helplessness.

  "Fine," I muttered. "I'll take a bath if you come punch me."

  She laughed, low and rich, then kicked off her slippers and pushed up the sleeves of her sweater before pacing over to the mat I'd laid down yesterday. Since it was apparently my fucking house now, I could redecorate all I wanted. No one was using this third-floor bedroom, since we mostly slept together in twos and threes. So, I commandeered this space for my gym.

  I walked over to join Kai on the mat. "None of that tentacle crap you pulled before," I reminded her. I didn’t even know she could grow tentacles while in human form and on dry land, until I'd seen her defending Con from Oisin's dad's goons. But she had nearly reverse-suffocated herself by pulling the half-shift on dry land.

  She just rolled her eyes at me and tossed her long black hair over her shoulder. Then she shook out her willowy limbs, dancing in place like a fighter from a cheesy eighties kung fu movie. "Chicken," she mocked me.

  I sighed and threw a punch toward her gut, testing to see how seriously she was going to take this.

  She danced away, grabbed my wrist and dropped to the ground, flinging me over her shoulder to land on my back with a solid thud.

  "Fuck," I wheezed.

  Kai laughed and danced around me, hopping from foot to foot. "Big bad gryphon, my ass. I'm pretty sure you're part house cat and part pigeon."

  I sighed and rolled over, getting to my hands and knees before pushing up to stand. "Just testing the waters," I assured her. "Wouldn't want to hurt you."

  She grinned. "Go ahead. Hurt me. It'll make you feel better."

  I frowned at that, but she danced closer, reaching out to hit me in the solar plexus with a stony fist. I tried to hide my wheeze as I absorbed the blow and reset my feet to a more solid base of support.

  "I know," she said dramatically. "I'm too pretty to hit. But honestly, Gesa, you'll be fighting fae, so you should really try to see past all this gorgeousness."

  I rolled my eyes. Even if she was technically right. Again.

  I stepped in and threw some serious punches. She blocked them with a fluid ease that made me feel like a child.

  Well, fuck.

  She slipped a slender leg behind my own and I went down again. Motherfucker.

  I tried again and again, finally losing my patience
and actually trying to hurt her—a little. I never even got close.

  In the end, I lay on my back, holding what I was pretty sure was a cracked rib, panting in shallow gasps until the bone knit back together and stopped feeling like a dagger in my lungs. Kai stood over me with her hands on her hips, not even breathing hard. Her long black hair fell forward as she leaned over me. "Okay there, gryphon?"

  I laughed, then hissed as the rib let me know it wasn't done healing yet. "Fine."

  She squatted down, pressing her lips together as she considered me. I had no idea what the hell she was looking for. "Do you feel any better?"

  I glared. "Fuck no."

  That only got me a nod and a shrug. "Well of course not, moron. Oisin isn’t going to magically appear just because you hit things."

  I pushed myself up to sit, gingerly testing out the rib by bending to one side then the other. "What?"

  She heaved a sigh. "If you don't get it, honey, it's not going to do me any good to explain. But I'll beat you up again anytime you want, if it means I get you in the tub."

  I stared at her. "What the fuck are you spouting right now? Are you even speaking English?"

  She smiled that krakens-don't-care-about-anything smile and stood, reaching out to pull me to my feet. "Food," she said firmly. "Then a bath. Maybe a good fuck. A nap." She patted my shoulder. "It's not just for your own good, you know," she told me sagely. "The rest of us need a rest from your attitude."

  "Shut up." I shoved her off me and strode toward the door and the scent of Con's cooking.

  She chuckled and followed behind me. "You aren't the only one who's suffering," she said softly.

  I stopped and closed my eyes, clenching my fists, unable to look at her. She was right. I was failing my pride. Again. They needed me to be strong. Solid. Unflappable. Not the fucking mess I was right now.

  "I'm doing the best I can," I said, tasting the lie on my tongue.

  She drifted by me, trailing her long fingers along my shoulder and across my collarbone in passing. "I know you think you are."

  Chapter 3

  I padded down to the lower level of the apartment, toward the smell of something spicy and savory. It seemed asinine, but losing a lover hadn't dampened my appetite any. In fact, I was even more ravenous than before. I think the gryphon in me was bulking up in preparation for war.

  I wiped my face with the towel I carried and tossed it into the hamper in my room. It looked like a bomb had gone off in there, since most of the remaining pride was camped out in my space like a bunch of clingy cowards.

  I huffed at the mess and shut the door, refusing to acknowledge how much I actually needed them close like that. I beat back my nagging suspicions about my alpha status. I was enough of a freak among my kind without adding that mess to it. Only males could be alphas. It was in their DNA. Besides, I had enough to weigh me down right now.

  I glanced across the hall at the room that had once been Oisin's. He hadn't actually slept in his own bedroom in ages. But his plants were still in there. And on the roof. And in the hall. I trailed a finger over some crazy vine with flame-colored leaves that was crawling up the wall outside his door. The color reminded me of the fae's bright red hair.

  The poor plants looked a little wilted. I'd been watering them, but I think I overdid it. They would never really thrive without his fae magic. I knew the feeling.

  I followed the scent of spices and the low sound of masculine voices to the kitchen. Con was cooking. He'd been cooking constantly since Oisin was taken. I think it was his way of coping. And he had thrown himself into learning all he could about his supposed hedge witch heritage. He hadn't said anything—quiet and undemanding as always—but I suspected he was desperate to feel like he was contributing.

  My sweet human was standing in front of the stove, shoulder to shoulder with a demon, stirring something in a pot, his shoulders tense.

  "That's it," Derek fucking White soothed, patting Con on the back. "Just relax, man. You don't want your tension affecting the magic."

  I crossed my arms over my chest and watched them from the doorway. My lover was getting fucking cooking lessons from a demon. My life was ridiculous.

  Con let out a sigh and the tension left his shoulders. He used the wooden spoon to scoop out some of the concoction, then blew on it and took a bite. "It needs something." He turned those honey-brown eyes on the tall, dark-haired man at his side.

  White stepped back and leaned against the counter, watching Con with a lifted brow. He had taken off his suit jacket, but he still looked weird standing in my kitchen in his business attire and shiny dress shoes. "Well, don't look at me, witch." He waved a hand at the little piles of various vegetation laying on the countertop. "I can show you how to channel your innate magic. But herbs aren't exactly my area of expertise."

  Con put the spoon down and cast me a shy look before returning to his task. He pinched a bit of some chopped up herb between his thumb and finger and brought it up to sniff it. Then he put it back, dusting off his fingers.

  White cleared his throat.

  Con sighed and held out a hand, hovering over each herb as if feeling for something.

  "I think...this one?" He pointed at a pile of grayish leaves.

  White didn't confirm or deny his choice, so Con sighed and picked up a few leaves, tossing them into the pot as if he expected it to explode.

  He gave it a stir, then closed his eyes and just...stood there. I had no idea what he was doing. Communing with the chili or some shit. Finally, he shrugged and turned off the stove. "Let's just...let it sit for a while."

  White grinned at him. "That's good. If your intuition is telling you to wait, you need to listen. This sort of thing is...finicky compared to more tangible magic."

  "Is there anything to actually eat in here?" I asked as I went to get a bottled water from the fridge. White was looking me over, but I ignored the asshole.

  Con came over and gently hip-checked me out of the way to get to the fridge. He turned, handing me big storage containers full of food. "Sorry there's nothing hot right now. But I made these earlier in case I blew up the stove or something."

  I carried the pile of containers to the table and cracked them open, finding salad, some kind of chilled noodle dish, and chocolate cream pie. "Have I told you I love you today?" I purred, hurrying to get a plate.

  Con laughed. "Not since breakfast."

  I pulled him close and leaned down to kiss him, purposefully over-dramatic. "How do you feel about interspecies marriage?"

  He chuckled against my lips, and I thought my attempt at humor might be helping. The way he held me, just a little tighter and just a little longer than a normal hug, told me he was just as unsettled as the rest of the pride. There was a gaping, bloody hole we were all trying to ignore.

  I pulled back and started dishing up a plate of food. I was getting ready to dig in when Kai drifted in and snagged my plate out from under my nose. She settled in on the other side of the table, smirking at me as she ate my noodles.

  "Con," I said sweetly. "Can we have calamari for dinner tonight?"

  Kai snorted at my threat and continued to eat.

  Sighing, I dished out another plate of food. Kai caught my eyes and spoke around a mouthful of salad. "Have you seen Hisashi today? I didn't see him come out for breakfast."

  I clenched my teeth together. I had been pretty awful to the poor kid the day Oisin was taken. And I hadn't quite figured out how to undo the gaping chasm of pain and blame that was forming between us.

  Plus, it was kind of hard to get his attention long enough to chat these days. "He's probably holed up with the magical douche canoe," I grumbled.

  Kai raised a black eyebrow at me. I growled and stood, taking my plate with me. "Fine."

  Stomping down the hall, I stopped at the door to Hisashi's room. Sure enough, chill air was seeping from under the threshold, and the tingling touch of magic made all the hairs on my arms stand up. I pounded on the door. "Lunch!"


  There was a muffled curse and a pulse in the magic, then heavy footsteps approached, and the door was flung open. "The fuck do you want?" Vanhelsing demanded. He glowered at me from behind his steampunk goggles. His dishwater blond hair stood up in unruly swirls and the blue scars on his hands were glowing.

  I pushed past the short, burly roadblock and into Hisashi's room. The fox was in half-shift—he was barely ever in full human form the last few days. He sat cross-legged on the floor, his eyes silver and his silky robe and snow-white hair gently fluttering with a breeze that I couldn't feel.

  "Subtle as ever, Gesa," he said, his deep voice soft and full of strain.

  I snorted. "Since you refuse to leave your damned room, I brought you food."

  He blinked at me, making a visible effort to come back from wherever the hell he had just been. "Thanks."

  His voice was flat. Dead. I had no idea how to bring the life back to it. Even looking at him reminded me of my own pain. His bleeding heart made mine ache in sympathy.

  I dropped the plate into his lap. "Enjoy."

  Turning, I strode toward the door. The mage—whose name was Halstad, of all the stupid, uptight names I could imagine—leaned against the door frame. He was without his typical leather duster. But he was still dressed in all black, his leather pants and his utility belt of charms firmly I place. "Where's mine?" he drawled.

  I glared at him. "Creepy uninvited squatters can forage for themselves."

  He rolled his eyes. "Y'all need me here, and you know it. Don't get your big 'ol lady parts in a tizzy."

  I arched a brow at him. Did we really need his help so bad? Maybe I could gut him just a little.

  He sighed and glanced at Hisashi, who was staring at his food like he didn't know what it was. "Take a break and eat something, pup," the mage ground out. His voice was so gravelly it was hard to tell if there was any sympathy there or not.

  He followed me into the hall, leaving Hisashi to pick at his food. "Whatever beef you've got with that kid, you need to knock it off," he said quietly.